I have a real affection for the radio talk show Radio West. (In fact, Jaren loves to tease me about my boyfriend being the show's host, Doug Fabrizio.) I don't listen to it daily or even regularly, but if I'm ever in the car at 11:00 you better believe I'm tuning in and likely really enjoying it. I have been exposed to so many new ideas and interesting personal stories because of this show. I think it would be a dream job to research and read about random things and people and then get to quiz someone about the who, what, where, when, and why. It's endless, really, the fascinating things we can learn about each other and this world if we choose to do so.
I was lucky to catch a good chunk of Radio West this week which was an interview with David Campbell, a guy who just wrote a book called American Grace. The book is an attempt to figure out why America remains such a religious nation compared to similar economic/social countries like those in Western Europe, and why our different religious sects don't necessarily divide us a nation. In America, we've kept our religions remarkably intact and even growing. Campbell posits that it has a lot to do with our nation's entrepreneurial take on religion-it's personal here, not a required religion adopted by the state or government, and because of that, religion is able to be really responsive and fitting to personal needs and tastes. It's rather interesting to me that this means that the vitality of religion (and perhaps our nation) still comes down to what our country's founders felt, that celebrating and honoring religious freedom is key.
One of the most compelling parts of the interview to me was when Campbell mentioned that in random samples across the US if he asked people the question whether they say any type of grace before a meal, it was pretty much universally 50/50; half say grace, half don't. This statistic was true regardless of where he was in the country, regardless of age or social status, etc. I found this surprising. I'm not even sure if I thought more or less people would still be blessing their food, but I thought the fact that it breaks down so perfectly across the country was significant and worth thinking about. What does it mean to not say some kind of thank you out loud before you eat? Is something lost if saying grace becomes a relic of the past or the fervent?
Not being a religious family, I confess that me and mine rarely say grace or a prayer before dinner, and yet in the abstract I realize how much this bothers me. It isn't about hellfire and brimstone or God per se. For me, it is really about the true meaning of grace as an expression of gratitude, regardless of what the specific words are or whom they are directed to. This is a heart of the matter subject for me since I think if I could sum up my religiousity/spirituality in one single word it would be gratitude. I have faith in giving thanks. I have faith in believing that the world around me is truly amazing and that those I interact with are unique and amazing too. As a parent, the qualities I hope to impart in my kids are kindness and graciousness. Call it Christian. Call it being all you can be. I don't really care. I just hate to think that by opting out of saying grace I might be helping to foster an environment in my home that equates to entitlement...the we have this just because we do, irrespective of the work it took to have it, mentality. We all work for our money but also someone else worked to grow it, make it, dream it into being. (And the it here is a fill in the blank, mind you. It can be anything.) Ultimately you can call it God, you can call it the Universe, or you can call it a long chain of humanity cooperatively organized to make it so....but isn't there room in all of those views for an expression of mindful gratitude? I can't see the harm in directing a few quiet minutes to thankfulness each day.
Out of curiousity, I looked up some different traditions around saying grace at the dinner table and was quite inspired by what is out there. I thought this list of Christian/God centered texts had some nice ones. I also thought this list compiled from all different religions was interesting. None of them feel quite right for me but I think I'm going to try and experiment and see if I can come up with one that suits my family. I started simply last night by asking everyone to say one thing they are grateful for. It wasn't earth shattering--Flynn's was Santa for heaven's sake--but it set a tone for the meal that made me quite happy.
It's fitting to bring this all up in the month of Thanksgiving, isn't it? I adore Thanksgiving and hate that it gets swept under the rug in the vaccuum between commerical Halloween and even more commercial Christmas. I love that the holiday is about the simple act of appreciation and giving thanks. I love the Mayflower. I love the Pilgrim story and even have a soft spot for crazy Pilgrim dress. I'd wear a pair of square toed buckle shoes any day and this is 300 years later! I intend to make these cute paper Pilgrim hats the required dress code at the Harbertson family turkey day meal. And you'd better believe it, this Thanksgiving we'll be primed and ready for grace!
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Another good post :) Growing up - we always said 2 prayers before dinner. Yes, TWO! We all knelt down around the table for the first one, which did not include a blessing on the food. Then we sat in our chairs and said the second prayer - which was just the blessing on the food. Everyone who came over for dinner thought we were so weird. In my own family - we have never done the kneeling around the table prayer - but it feels very unnatural to me to eat a meal without first blessing the food. I don't do it at restaurants - but I do notice myself sitting at the table with my arms folded ready to pray when we are eating at other people's houses.
ReplyDeleteWe have a system in our house - Lucy says grace on Even days, Violet on odd days. :)
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ReplyDeleteThis is a wonderful train of thought Allison! I have explored various religions and spiritual temperaments over the last 30 years of my life, finally settling with my own personal belief system being satisfactory. But separate from religion or an expectation of practiced prayers from childhood rituals, I have always found it crucial to share my thanks. Our family takes time before each meal to join hands (as a sentiment of our gratitude for one another’s presence) and to thank God for all that we have, including the meal before us. We do this at restaurants as well and find that people sometimes stare. Sometimes it feels a bit routine, but I will say it helps me to take a step back and remember that each meal, and each person next to me is a blessing. An attitude of gratitude can be present, whether you feel it should be directed at God, the universe or whomever =))
ReplyDeleteThis is perfect Allison, and reflects the type of person you are. I've been thinking a lot about what "entitlement" means, and I think this post helps me understand better what it is not. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone for the inspiring comments. I love hearing what you do in your own homes to bring in this spirit of gratitude that feels like such an important counter point to our culture. Thank YOU all for sharing.
ReplyDeleteEntitlement is a ticky one, isn't it, Mary Anne? I think a lot about this too since I feel so blessed, or just plain old lucky, to have been born to the state of life I find myself in. So many others on this planet have it so hard and brutal, why did we make out so good? But in the end, I've decided the only thing I can do is to be utterly grateful. We can't change who we are or to whom we were born or where, but we can reflect graciousness and lend helping hands right?
allison...this is wonderful...might you come speak to my classes next week, before we depart for thanksgiving...miss you.
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