W-o-r-k

I'm always grateful when I recognize layers aligning in life. The universe works hard to spell things out doesn't it? Since I'm gearing up for an entrepreneurial chapter in my life and starting my own business, I've been giving a lot of thought to the meaning of work. There are so many nuggets of wisdom out there that indicate that work won't be capital letter WORK if you are doing what you love or following what you are passionate about. I believe this and yet so few people I know seem to approach building their careers from this framework. The responsibilities of daily life, the educational paths we set ourselves on at an early age when our sense of self and the big picture is haphazard and fledgling, and the expectations we all have about standards of living seem to interfere. And lord knows many, many people never can identify or sum up their life's passion--too much soul searching involved! Too much risk!

So it was a relief to me when I happened to hear a nugget of wisdom about work recently that really resonated with me. Work= Worth. It's so simple, but most truths are. What I outwardly do in this world defines me, gives me my sense of self and the world's sense of what I bring to the table. It's my personal GNP. We live in a culture obsessed with this and I think it's why work that is hard to quantify such as motherhood or teaching receives so little attention. (Both are such broad investments, it's hard to see immediate results.)

Boiling the word work down to how I feel about what I do with myself is a lovely concept. Because truly it is larger than a paycheck or a certificate on the wall. My work on its best day should help me walk a path I want to be on. It should be urging me on toward discovery, toward goals, toward becoming more, toward helping myself, my family, and my community. And I think it's worth digging deep on this subject since for most of us work will make up a large majority of how we spend our lifetime. Literally work will take a lion's share of my life. Wow.

The Indian concept of dharma came up in something I was reading recently. In it dharma was described as the one thing you were born on this earth to do that you can do better than anyone else. It's the belief that every single human has something special, has a talent, a way of being, that is unique to them. If one can discover their dharma then they will find satisfaction, success, wealth, and end up helping others by following it. I guess it's akin to a life's calling. I love thinking about making dharma and work synonymous in my life. My dharma should lead me to my work and my work should lead to my dharma.

Living in a culture obsessed with material wealth is a definite hinderance to realizing work-dharma but I also think living in a culture that defines work as something we must do, or something we have to do to make ends meet is equally to blame. As an American I've connected with the ethos of the hard working man and the 80 hour work weeks required to "make things happen", to get the big pay day. These type of standards have led me to some belief that to be successful one must work hard at everything. Toil, sacrifice, labor these are the descriptor words I associate with work. And yet why do we need to have this hard work consciousness? What is the value in this? To me working too hard also means forcing an issue. No bend and flow, no flexibility. It strains. It imbalances. It is frought.

I have to believe that the dharma concept could make work seem effortless because I would be in alignment with what I do best, what I'm capable of doing almost without thinking. It's quite counter-intuitive to our Horatio Alger, pull yourself up by the bootstraps mythology, but I think there is something that rings true here.

Am I crazy? Probably. And lest my uber hard working grandmother be turning over in her grave, let's be clear that I'm not advocating laziness. Quite the opposite. What could be more galvanizing than the belief that simply by figuring out who you really are, you have figured out what you should do with your fine self. I'm not naive, I realize how inexplicably hard it is to take this stance in developing a career, and an entire life really. But ooo-eee wouldn't it be powerful if we all did so? Finding work that makes you feel your own worth-it's not an easy task by any stretch, but it's the kind of career I'd love to spend a lifetime in.

No nincompoops allowed!

I've had responsibility on the brain today. Awhile ago when I was at my lovely friend Sarah's I was struck by a sign she posted on her family's bulletin board.

"RESPONSIBILITY. Anything children can do for themselves and we do it for them, takes away an opportunity for them to discover how responsibility serves them."

I think this statement hit me because I so immediately believed its truth but also because I recognized how little I was following this in my own home. My children are now 7 and 3 1/2. They still have desperate moments of neediness but also increasing stretches of self-sufficiency where they are content to follow their own whims and desires without much of my influence. As a parent its a relief to be at this stage, to have a moment to breathe and to get to reap the benefits of all those days of nonstop attention.

And yet I find that a parental wean is now required on my part...those bare bones days of sustenance and constant need meeting may be past, but left in it's wake is a habit that makes me jump to fulfill their requests and wants. From the simplest yell up the stairs for a drink of water to cleaning up dirty dishes, crumbs, and playdough, I've done my kids no favors by being quick to do these things for them. It's not an accurate picture of life's demands and it certainly isn't an accurate picture of how I want them to function as older children and future adults. Every parent imagines their kid reaching for the stars, climbing toward future success and happiness. I never picture my kid calling me to wipe his ass at 12. And yet if I don't start requiring more of them now when they are fledglings, then how will the desire, the need, or the know how materialize when they are older?

We live in an ultra convenient world. And it's more than likely that all these conveniences and gadgetry are making today's children less than able to do for themselves. In fact I read a great op-ed piece awhile back called "Are we Raising a Generation of Nincompoops?" that brings these exact concerns up. I truly worry that my 7 year old really doesn't know how to tie her own shoes yet and that much of her life is experienced with the aid of a virtual interface. It is such a good reminder that I don't need to be another interface for my kids preventing them from having raw, hands on experiences that can be both rewarding and trying for them. There are enough avenues making their lives easier. I really don't need to make home life ultra convenient for them too.

I'm a believer that one of the best aspects of being part of a family is contributing to that family in whatever way I can. Contributing is a beautiful word to me because it implies an individual putting forth something towards a common purpose, to in effect become part of the larger whole. In my desire to be loving and attentive I haven't given my kids enough opportunities to become part of the larger whole. So I've vowed to make a change and have officially instituted a new weekly chore list that will earn my darlings a teenie weenie allowance. I instituted the plan this weekend and the new lists are on the fridge and already pock marked with check marks. I'm also going to consciously respond less to their demands-not ignoring mind you, but a loving "I think you can handle that" quip.

Happily I didn't feel much friction from either Cleo or Flynn about the new regime. I actually think they want increased responsibility. It's easy to forget as parents that kids (at least the young ones) actually do aim to please. Cleo already "invented" a new chicken egg collecting system and judging by the gusto with which Flynn can smooth a bedspread, I think I've got a little emerging neat freak on my hands. The true test will be mine, whether I can bite my tongue and my urge to jump in and respond in order to nurture the kind of self sufficiency that will take them into reality not kicking and screaming and apathetic, but already contributing, already full of life skills and esteem. I love to think what a future made up of those kids would look like...