Magic afoot.....

I love being the boss of my kids, but like any job, I sometimes have managerial issues. I often can relate to Michael Scott on The Office, cheer leading to a very unappreciative pair of disgruntled employees. Sometimes my crew doesn't seem motivated to listen or achieve, and quite often both Cleo and Flynn choose not to follow our house rules (which pretty much all restate the GOLDEN RULE in various ways) and instead try to scratch each other's eyes out over who has the blue marker or the chair next to mom or the pink plate or other such silly dramas. And that's frustrating, especially when I'm at the end of my line with a long day, or worse when Jaren's away traveling for blocks of time and I'm plain desperate for receptive ears and cooperative hands and minds. I find that my frustration with my kids and their behvaior can outweigh the fun of parenting and then its like a weird graph chart or something, as my frustration and theirs increases so does the level of our voices--much higher and louder! Things devolve very quickly around here when we have reached that point with each other. I hate going to bed feeling like I spent the day yelling at my kids. About a month ago I decided I needed to try something new to try and alleviate power struggles and to help my kids learn to make better choices on their own.

There are a gazillion techniques that parenting books or online resources suggest for motivating kids toward better behavior. One of the ones I come across most frequently is the marble jar. Basically parents reward kids with a marble for good behavior which they then put in a jar, and when the jar is full, the child receives an agreed upon reward or treat. It is a simple concept but very effective, thanks to the tangibility of seeing actual marbles pile up. I think kids really need to SEE results not just have you ask for them. I also like the fact that a marble can stand in for just about anything in parenting world....doing a chore, using the potty, washing hands, finishing homework, cleaning their plate at dinner, sharing, and especially for those unexpected moments of kindness kids bestow on each other and a parent happens to witness.

Most marble jar users seem to only "give" marbles for positive behavior. Maybe I'm a meaner mom, or just in the throes of the terrible two's, but I felt I had to tweak the marble system a bit for my family and instead have come up with the pebble system. We use glass beads (normally used in flower arrangements) as our pebbles and Cleo and Flynn each have their own color and own clear glass mason jar. Next to each jar both kids have 2 cups-one with a happy face on it and the other with a sad face. We keep the jars and cups right on the ledge above the kitchen sink so its a very prominent spot. Each morning I put 4 marbles on the top of the jar and throughout the day the kids either earn happy or "magic" pebbles for good behavior and random acts of kindness, or sad pebbles for sassing, fighting, hurting each other, etc. They can always earn back pebbles in the sad cup but I can't take away pebbles from the happy cup. At the end of the day the pebbles in the happy cup get poured into the jar and the sad ones go back into the pool to be earned again. They each have a reward card on the fridge where we wrote down what they decided to work toward. Last week we completed the first round of full jars and Cleo got to go swimming at our Rec Center and Flynn got to go out for ice cream--pretty small rewards for 3 weeks of much less yelling and way more cooperation!

I think a key reason the system has been so successful around here is that before we got started, I sat down with the kids and really discussed what we would be doing and asked them what kind of behavior would earn a magic vs. a sad pebble. I tried really hard not to feed them the answers and I was really pleased to see that on her own Cleo already clearly knew the difference between behaviors that are positive and behaviors that make me crazy! We worked together to make a list on our chalkboard and I haven't had the heart to erase it since it is so cute and keeps us all motivated. I had to work a little harder to get independent answers from Flynn, but he was able to articulate on his own "no hitting" "listening to mom and dad" and "staying in my bed." A pretty good start for two.

It really has changed my life to be able to "threaten" with the very idea of getting a sad pebble rather than yell and hiss, and to have a tangible means of rewarding my kids for good deeds. It makes the whole transaction of parenting a little less fraught with emotion. I half believe there really is some magic in those pebbles; lightening the mood, easing frustration, and feeling like we are all having more fun together--those are magic accomplishments to me. Cleo and Flynn have both told me seperatly that they think me or Jaren should get a magic pebble for something nice we have done and I'm thinking about trying that experiment too...making a parent jar and giving the kids a chance to reward or deny us some pebbles. Even as an adult, I can still use a reprimand and a reward every now and again!


P.S.I love the wonderful blog Let's Explore's version of the marble jar because they use one jar to motivate both their kids to work toward a reward for the whole family. It's a team effort and focuses on the positive. Check it out.

Brown baggin' it...

I am grateful that little things still have the power to impress me. I wanted to share with you one of those amazing little things that is dumb simple, but may even be able to change your life for the better. My kids have a love affair with popcorn. Cleo is not really a great eater of anything not covered in butter or salt, so, by those parameters, popcorn is pretty much manna from heaven to her. The kid can put away a large bucket of popcorn at the theater and still find time to bat your hand away if she thinks you are taking an inappropriate share. Flynn seems to be following her lead and popcorn is one of the most requested snacks and treats in our house. I shuddered when I first heard the awful stories about people going to the emergency room with mysterious breathing problems only to find out that the culprit was their daily bag of microwave popcorn laden with chemicals and fats that stick to lung lining and other precious innards. Yuck! After that, I switched to the healthy Newmans, 0 trans fat variety, but it is expensive and made Cleo root around to find the "buttery, yellow" ones which equalled a lot of waste and a big mess.

Enter my brother in law Brooks telling me offhandedly that you can pop raw kernels in your microwave in a simple brown paper bag! What? Maybe I'm late to the show on this, but I'd never heard of it. I looked online and found loads of recipes and instructions. And here I am months later ready to tell you....stop buying chemical laden, expensive, packaged popcorn and pop your own! No air popper or other contraption required. All I do is scoop 1/4 c. raw kernels into a regular brown paper sack, fold the top a few times and set it to pop. In my microwave, my "popcorn" button cooks it just right at about 2:00. Once it is done, I put it into a bowl and pour a couple tablespoons melted unsalted butter and some sprinklings of kosher salt. It is delicious and tastes so much better than the store variety. If you want to go even more upscale, this recipe from Food Network's Alton Brown is delicious too. The olive oil really changes the flavor.

And while I'm telling tales of culinary revolution, another little joy we've discovered at our house is juicing oranges. Years ago for Christmas my in-laws gave us a small juicer designed for citrus only. It was one of the best gifts I've ever received! 10 years later and it's still in great condition. Lately, I've been filling a big basket of navel oranges and placing it on the counter. Every few days the kids have a heyday juicing a big pile. It is a great project to keep their little hands busy. They can last 30 minutes doing this which is seriously amazing in my book. (The towers of halved oranges turn out to be pretty fun stacking toys and provide counting practice too!) Plus the juicing infuses my kitchen with the smell of a much warmer clime, something I'm really appreciating at this point in a snowy, cold winter, and it gets us all a good dose of healthy vitamin c.

Like I said, little things.... but more and more I find that is what the joys of life really are about: simple pleasures and new discoveries.

Steam up those windows...

For me the stretch of winter between January through Feburary is always about hunkering down. I tend to get rooted to home and projects and day dream about the warmer days to come when I can be outside doing the things I really love. I find myself dreading January and February, but in actuality, I think the record would show these are good months for me. I get a lot done when I'm staying focused on home, and though my expanding waistline might disagree, I get so much enjoyment out of cooking in the cold, winter days. It is interactive entertainment (especially if you involve your kids) and it is thoughtful attention to a task that I find really relaxing. And then there's the eating. It's hard to beat summer produce but a comfort laden winter meal comes close. Love you hot cinnamon-y oatmeal, Mmmm pasta with alfredo sauce and peas and ham, yum bread pudding, ahhhh french onion soup smothered in gruyere, yes roasted chicken with mashed potatoes, more please chipotle spiked roasted squash and salty oven roasted brocooli..... so many good tastes and sensations. And I get inexplicably warm inside when I see the stock pot steaming up the windows in my kitchen and then look out to the snow covered trees and roofs beyond. It's a gorgeous feeling, and such a good reminder of the safety and comfort and blessings I have within the walls of my home.

Cooking is a powerful thing. It is one of those uniquely human acts....can't think of a time I've ever heard about a monkey or a dog boiling up some pasta...and since cooking ultimately leads to eating, it is a cornerstone of our species' survival. But let's not forget that it can also be very fun. I might be somewhat biased with that statement since I've always liked to cook, but I really think it is true. The process of making food, especially for loved ones or to celebrate a special occasion is galvanizing. I love the tradition of taking food to a family with a brand new baby. Funeral food and baby shower food are distinct and recognizable breeds. Funeral cheesy potatoes anyone? Chciken salad with grapes on crossiant? I love the way food and certain dishes or tastes can link to memories and to people. My dad? He's swedish pancakes and cucumber and swiss sandwiches on rykrisp or limpa. My mom? She's hot fudge sauce and pork roasts with perfect gravy. My sister? Sugar cookies and banana cake. My grandma Mere? Swedish spritz and apricot nectar. Jaren? A perfectly cooked fried or poached egg with feta and spinach. Food creates legacies and merriment. I really believe that. It's a belief I hope I'm instilling in my kids each and every day they watch (and help) me in the kitchen.

Yesterday was Cleo's 6th birthday. (Unimaginable!) We spent literally a few hours of the morning making her birthday cake, a delectable and insane 6 layer rainbow deal inspired by this picture of baked loveliness I randomly found online. Though our final product bore no resemblance to that one (and lost 2 layers to a tragic pan sticking incident), it was really fun to spend the birthday morning in our robes, spilling sugar, splattering egg whites, and swirling vibrant colors into batter. It felt celebratory, and like so much in life, I think the effort made the taste all the sweeter.

Shake it like a polaroid picture...

As a stay at home parent, my job description is constantly morphing. Somedays I feel I'm the entertainer. Others more of the referee or disciplinarian. Somedays I'm a coach running defense and sometimes clearly in charge with offensive plays up my sleeve. Sometimes I'm slave and short order cook and others I'm master and chef. And let me tell you as a temporary single parent ,and one that hasn't left the house or my two children in 48 hours thanks to little sickies, I could currently be described as potential sadist!

I don't know if you've seen this or not, but I've noticed that some stay at home parents fill out assorted forms at school, or on social media, or wherever, with a job description that says CEO of Smith Household or employed by Emma (7) and Kate (5) or some kind of cute spin. I'm not a big fan of this in general, but I did, however, happen to recently see a description, still tongue in check, that I actually thought brilliantly applied: Director of Development. As parents, we really are the central source for encouraging our childrens' development into self sufficient and hopefully productive, happy adults. We directly expose (and sometimes indirectly, oops) expose them to information. We are their first touchstones for making sense of the world around them. It's a huge position to field and one that has oh so many strings and expectations attached.

I've had this in mind the last couple days even as I fight the urge to impatiently wring necks....here I am developing my child each and every waking minute we interact. Am I actively or passively doing this? I've been picturing myself shaking the polaroid, with just a little bit more of their images "developing", becoming clear each day.

Interestingly, I have been reading a bunch about Maria Montessori, the founder and theorist behind the education system commonly referred to as Montessori, lately and her philosophies dovetail so nicely with this idea. (Let me say in advance that I have no direct experience with Montessori education and neither do my children. We've done straight up preschools and public school thus far. ) But learning somewhere that Montessori was the first woman to practice medicine in Italy in 1896 initially piqued my interest about her. As did lots of little tidbits I'd see around on other blogs about Montessori methods with kids which all seemed to point to creative exploration and inner development.

It turns out that Montessori's main theory is that we are incomplete at birth. We require adult nurturing for a period of time before becoming fully functioning adults. Montessori thought this period of formation lasted until the age of 24. (And random or not, neural scientists have recently concluded through studies that the foundational neural structures in the frontal lobes of the human brain are not complete until around age 24!) Montessori believed education was an aid to life, it was a way to help children build their inner selves, their minds, from infancy to maturity. She once said "a child's work is to create the person he/she will become." I love her rationale that no two individuals learn the same thing the same way, so in essence no two individuals will ever build the same brain. Montessori originated the descriptor "Kids are like sponges" though it sounded all old-timey and professional when she said it since she used the words "absorbent minds" instead. Anyone who has spent anytime with children knows how much information they are capable of swallowing and with such gusto and enthusiasm. They are a rapt audience just waiting for the show.

And though I'm focusing in on children because of, ahem, my very important job description as Director of Development, I don't see any reason that this line of thinking can't be applied to one's own life, regardless of age or station. Aren't we all really directors of our own development each and every day? Wouldn't you hope that your most important job in life is to become exactly who you want to be?

future dorkdom

today was a really good day.  we celebrated cleo turning 5 with friends and family at her snazzy alien party.  i think it went well and cleo seemed to love it so i'd say it was a success. (other than flynn basically breaking his nose and my homemade slime being a total dud, i think a good time was had by all.)   

i've been a little emotional today thinking about my baby turning 5. i know she's still a wee one in the scheme of things but 5 feels like a transition into a whole new phase.  she's a bona fide kid now.  the earliest years of her childhood are behind us.  i'm happy, of course, to see her grow and progress, but i already feel that tug tug knowing that one day she won't think i'm the coolest for wrapping our entire conversation pit in tinfoil and busting out cheesy alien dance moves.  i will just be dorky mom.  i know that kind of distancing is coming, so i'm trying hard to hold on to these moments and these memories.  

in this vein, i wanted to share a really cool book i've been reading called the creative family by amanda blake soule.  the book is basically all about ways to awaken your family's creativity through art, crafts, and family celebrations.  it's a little bit earth mama crunchy at times, but i really enjoyed the basic message and felt inspired by many of the ideas.  one of the things i loved, and hope to implement at our house, is the idea for parents to write children yearly birthday letters, summarizing great things they accomplished or just little memories or sayings from the year.  i'm not very good about writing down the amazing things that pop out of cleo's mouth because i always assume i will remember them. but, i already know that my memory is faulty and so many details of her first 5 years are already lost. i'm hoping the letter will give me at least a once a year written record!   i love the idea of holding on to these letters and "gifting" them to cleo when she's 13 or 16...sometime down the road when she might better enjoy the dorky things mom has to say.  

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harbertson mothership

i'm gearing up for a new week of challenges.  i am supposed to get my car back from the shop on wednesday and with this freedom will come a whole new set of temptations.  holed up on house arrest, the chances to deviate from the budget have been pretty slim.  i also have cleo's 5th birthday party on saturday to prepare for, which if you recall, was the one sin against the budget i was going to allow this month.   i am trying to keep the expenses for the party minimal but it still will feel strange (dirty?!)  to go out and shop for something after my nearly 2 week break from retail therapy.  

cleo and i spent a good portion of the day on friday hand making her "alien" invitations and the results are cute and definitely, ahem, hand crafted.  it was fun to turn something that i normally either would have done myself, or just bought, into a craft project we could do together.  when i slow down and open up to this i can see what a huge difference it makes to cleo. she loves being involved and seems to love that she's doing "grown up" work. she took such care decorating each card and envelope and i just had to resist my urges to reach in and stop her from drawing a rainbow or a heart on the space themed card.  she's a girl and she's 4, she can't seem to draw a picture without including one of these motifs!

i'm going to embrace some fun craft projects for the kids this week. i'm super excited to make use of the million broken crayons we have in our art box to make these cool chunky crayons.  again, very macgyver of me, and i know the kids will love the alchemy of it. http://crafts.kaboose.com/fall_crayons.html 

i am also going to set up a drawing binder for cleo. we have literally 50 drawings of hers lying around in various piles and i always hate to throw them away but i hate the clutter factor even more.  i thought if i put them in a 3 ring binder she would have fun going through them, we'd have a place to easily add new drawings, and a definite bonus from my standpoint is that i will have a makeshift chronicle of her art.  i'm amazed at the way certain themes come and go in her drawings.  last week was all about mermaids and houses with chimneys and the week before starred big hairy monsters.  on each drawing she usually writes flynn and cleo somewhere which i find perfectly adorable.  won't it be interesting to watch when she finally figures out that the n's in flynn's name are backwards?

and as a little bonus for myself this week, i am going to once and for all clean out our back room of all its crap and turn it into our official craft room. a table for me, a table for jaren, and a table for the kids.  i just might even set up my sewing machine.  

say say o playmate

today was the first day in awhile that being homebound was hard.  the snow is starting to have that relentless january "unfun" feeling and we're all going a bit stir crazy. cleo keeps asking me "where are we going today mom?"  and i think she's finally tired of me answering that we are just going to stay home and be mellow.  today she was exasperated at this response and told me that "i'd better get my car back soon."  i second the notion, but i think not having a car is also forcing me to really indulge in the house arrest and not have to face too many temptations from the outside world. we're thinking the car will be done by the first of next week, but i'm not holding my breath.

with long days stretching out before me, i've found a lot of inspiration in the way preschool teachers do things.  they structure time down to the tiniest degree. at cleo's preschool last year i noticed a lesson plan broken down into 15 mins increments which seemed incredible to me.  but now i find that mentality is helping me get through the day with the kids. i think i really would go crazy if i just let the day happen without a plan. that, or i'd just turn my kids into couch potatoes by letting them watch movie after movie.  

in my new & improved mode, i pretty much make everything we do a project or an activity. for example, bath time has taken on a whole new significance.  both cleo and flynn used to take baths every other day or maybe even every 2 days but now tubbies are a key part of our day by turning it into something we do for fun, not because we have to wash our hair or get clean or because it is a part of our routine.  today we froze a bunch of cleo's jewelry and baby dinosaurs in water and then i put the "treasure cubes" in the tub with them to melt. both cleo and flynn were in a frenzy to collect each thing from the bottom of the tub as it melted off the cube.  yesterday's tub involved an elaborate submarine scheme (cleo's idea) where she used drinking straws to breathe from the bottom of the ocean....and suddenly an hour is gone and my kids are pruned and clean and happy!  and then, of course, it is on to the next. 

i think  these moments of fun are more available to me now because i have the luxury of just being around and not pressed for time or pressured to get up and go.  i find i'm taking my job as a mom more seriously and that seems to be translating into being a better, more patient playmate to my kids.  i once read a great parenting quote that said "YOU ARE YOUR CHILD'S FAVORITE TOY."  i've certainly been finding that to be true.   i've also found that if i give my kids each some undivided attention they are much more apt to handle my disappearing for a bit to get some of my own to do's done.  and then cleo tackles flynn, he wails, and my email is cut short...

there are so many simple ways to entertain kids and i've been attempting to gather some fresh ideas for fodder.  i found a great blog awhile back called let's explore that has given me a lot of good activity ideas and i love the way amy uses everything as an opportunity for fun and learning. if you are interested,  check it out here http://lets-explore.typepad.com/weblog/  and please, if you have some killer ideas of your own or a great resource for activities, please take pity on me and share!