go ahead, make a wish

today i have to admit i'm missing lattes and aveda hairspray, a fresh haircut and a fresh, um, wax.  i'm missing multi-course meals and indian food lunch buffets.  i'm wishing i could go get that $3.50 sprinkles cupcake before i leave dallas.  i'm coveting those cute ugg slouchy sweater boots and fingerless gloves.   even in relative seclusion this month, my wants have a way of reaching me.  i think i'm coping with the denial by ingesting a steady supply of sweet treats. my sister knows how to treat house guests--with delicious baked goods! the muffins and sugar cookies are helping but the sacrifice of the month still stings a bit.  

i think it may be time to indulge in a secret weapon: online wish list "shopping".  my amazon and etsy wish lists are vast. i have pages of books for me and the kids, toys, kitchen items, etc. and on etsy i have so many unique vintage and handmade treasures listed under my favorites. i think wish lists are a wonderful tool to utilize.  they have shown me how enjoyable it can be to not buy something in the now but to virtually "save" it for later.  most websites & e-stores these days seem to have wish list features but i've also started my own master list for things i drool about that are from different odds and ends places. when i add something to the list, it does a number on my mind. it kind of tricks me into thinking i bought it. plus i really love the fact that items are recorded and saved for later just in case i have "extra" cash lying around. honestly i've probably found the wish list most useful for gift giving ideas but it is a very nice resource of wants and desires and a good reference point for phases my style choices go through.  periodically, i even do a virtual closet clean out on the lists because sometimes i get a little button happy and add weird crap on there that just doesn't jive--very similar to my actual closet.   i can see now that the wish lists are also going to be a great tool for me when i just feel the need for retail therapy but don't want to spend.  it's like window shopping but way, way less painful and, bonus, you can do it in your sweats. 

i can't believe i am nearing the end of the month. i've made it 29 days! yee-haw.  as i mentioned, i'm extending the project one week into february to compensate for this week in dallas, although, i have been able to stick to the $15 while i've been here. a serious shout out to amy and jon for their generosity and support.  time will tell, but i think these weeks have changed my habits enough that i'm not so sure i will ever go back to the way i handled money and buying before.  i've felt strangely powerful denying myself.  i'm not a masochist (far from it) but i really think sacrifice and showing yourself that you have the mettle to go without is a major boost--very self-gratifying.  i've felt so good watching our bank account balance stay steady and i know this translates into less pressure on jaren and more positive rewards for my family in the long run.  and despite my personal appearance and attire going decidedly downhill, it has definitely been a win-win for all of us.  

oops

sorry, technical difficulty.  life magazine's web archives block the use of the photo i mentioned in my post.  if you have a minute, google marjorie mcweeney (in google images) or go to life magazine and you will see it.   sorry!

one loaf of bread at a time

much has been written about how modern technology designed to give us more time has actually robbed us of it.  we spend more time in front of computers, more time on the phone, more time in front of the t.v., etc.  i think the only area it may have really improved is the conveniences created to help with housework.  thank god for washer and dryers, dishwashers, vacuums, and stoves.  the photo above is something i saw at the dallas women's museum this week. it is of marjorie mcweeney, a housewife circa 1949, taken for life magazine. she's shown with a symbolic load of the work she will do, making beds, washing dishes, laundry etc. just looking at the photos makes me feel really grateful for my modernity, that, and the fact that long ago i swore off ironing!  

yesterday amy made whole wheat bread, grinding the wheat and everything.  she let cleo help and it was her first time seeing actual wheat and how we get the flour we use just about everyday in her pancakes.  as cleo helped dump in the freshly made flour, i got a little choked up thinking about the lost art of making your own basics.  these days people act like yeast is something to be feared! and kneading? forget it, who has the time!  most of us today wouldn't know where to start if we were forced to make our own bread.  but can you imagine a woman just 1 or 2 generations ago not knowing this?  things like sewing, baking, canning, they were simple facts of survival and doing them allowed you to "make" a home;  a place where you could be comfortable (and well-fed.) being a home-maker wasn't some silly, offensive moniker. i think it denoted having some serious knowledge.  people say you can't make a purse out of a sow's ear, but i'm pretty sure that is exactly what women have been doing for hundreds of years!  

don't get me wrong, i don't want to go back to the washboard and clothesline, but i am recognizing that for me, there is strength to be found in reviving some of those old school basics. not only are they cost effective, but everything you make at home and by hand is bound to be better for you than preservative laden stuff.  and just like i sometimes have to imagine that utah is a foreign country in order to cope with its peculiar culture, i think i'll try to look at doing this extra, time intensive "work" as a type of anthropological study: i'm learning about the customs of the past and helping to keep important knowledge alive.  the idea of being self sufficient is intriguing and it would probably make me feel like a superwoman if i really could make my own everything.  but the clothes at anthropologie are too cute and the thought of making my own blue cheese makes me want to barf.  so i think, i'll just start slow.  i'm going to start making bread.  and from now on, you can call me a home maker and i'll promise not to punch you in the arm.

appreciating vs. consuming

in the dallas vicinity, like most of suburban USA, you are surrounded by row after row of strip malls. every kind of store from big box to random specialty places where you can get your kids hair cut or buy beauty products is represented.   we have created a shopper's paradise in our current architecture and urban planning.  but it is funny how not hard it is to skip shopping when you travel these days because for the most part what you find when you are away is the same stuff you can find at home.  there is very little regionalism left in what we buy.   i think you have to find other activities to help appreciate the true heart of a place.  

my sister made an interesting distinction when were out and about seeing a children's puppet show. (it was free-and where ever you are, thank you Pix for honoring the spirit of my month!) amy said she felt the culture in dallas tended to be more about consuming than appreciating.  a huge metropolitan city with lots of money, dallas has world class museums and a thriving cultural scene.   there is a lot to go see and do and yet my sister says she thinks most people fall into the go out and buy category instead.  dallas isn't alone in this, i'm sure.   it is just that the stores and the restaurants are what you actually SEE when you walk out the door.  it is effortless and like having a built in concierge in your town.  

it occurs to me that the consuming vs. appreciating deal is at the core of my experiment this month.  i think appreciating is probably the best substitute i have for buying.  whether in dallas or back in slc, when the itch strikes to go out i need to arm myself with the desire to do, see, and learn.  i could make a bigger effort to go to a museum or a gallery.  i could go to a concert or to the symphony. i could take a wine class or learn to speak a language.  i could finally go and learn an honest to god craft like knitting or quilting at pipers.  i could bird watch or dig for dinosaur bones....

obviously you could search out the free in all these things (and i will) but i'd rather just accept that this category is something i'd actually rather spend money on.  i'd rather support institutions that help me love my city more by providing me with fun things to do that expand my mind.  i'd rather think of my own mind and body as the commodity to be filled up rather than my closet at home.  i'd rather teach my kids that acquiring knowledge is more fundamental than acquiring stuff.  i like that the very idea of appreciating is theoretical and an intangible "non-commodity" while consuming is an actual activity full of tangibles.  

so there you have it. i officially want to join the culture of appreciation.   is there such a thing? i hope i don't have to move to canada!  maybe this 'culture' can function kind of like a club. you show me your ideas for getting out and doing, i'll show you mine!

 

communal living

i think the most shocking thing when you first become a parent is how relentless it is. it is probably the original open 24/7 business.  you are literally "on" every moment you are with your child, at least in those first few demanding years when their very survival depends on your attention.  you don't really get much down time. and in life as a stay at home parent, that relentlessness feels pretty damn apparent.  kids are regimented and i think in most things seems to thrive on the routine being fixed.  i find it hard to cope with this an adult, especially when you factor in that there is little intellectual stimulation with a toddler and a preschooler all day. 

every time i come visit my sister i want to jump on the band wagon of communal living. let it be known, i've even uttered statements to the effect of "wow maybe those polygamists were on to something!"  to me, there is just something logical about sharing the daily burdens and joys of life and child rearing with other adults.  it is impossible to be everywhere at once-- to run errands, to exercise, to be a good friend, to cook meals, clean house, read/write...accomplish. and all the while, tend to your children in a loving, present way.  there is no built in balance and counter balance and i've certainly never found a way to intuit what i should rightly prioritize above the other. usually i just neglect something or do something very half-assed and feel guilty that 10 things are slipping.  but suddenly when you have another person you trust to share the load with, things naturally fall into place. if someone feels like cooking, they cook.  the other person can watch the kiddos and take them to the park. need to escape for a minute and clear your head?  the #2 can step in and vacuum, cook for the bake sale, or pick up the kids from school.  

the idea of sharing the load feels natural and it takes so much of the weight of the work off.  i also have found so much satisfaction in watching what a positive effect being around more people, not less, has had on my kids.  talk about expanding your world view!  subject your 5 year old to the wisdom and society of a 7 and 9 year old and watch them bloom and shrink and bloom again.  i've always bristled at that cheesy "it takes a village" quote about raising kids. but i find myself concurring completely with its wisdom.  raising kids, running a family and being in a family is a big job. and frankly, i think our modern culture has complicated rather than simplified what is expected of each of us.  we ask more of ourselves and our children but we have far fewer hands with which to make our expectations happen. 

i think this whole line of thinking can even be applied to our culture's view of material acquisitions. does every house on the block really need their own personal trampoline? do next door neighbors each need a boat and a lawn mower? do best friends both need to own ipods and digital cameras?   i think when times and mores were "tighter" people knew how to communally own things.  horses, cars, equipment, even homes held entire layers of families--grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins-- and i think the expectation to privately own something and keep it just for yourself wasn't there.  

is it possible that part of the answer to our current economic and social woes is found in the mantra i tell my 5 year old every day? share! share! share!   

love it or leave it

i've been preparing for my trip to dallas today.  i always have excitement about going on a trip but the thrill has definitely been tempered by the headache of traveling with kids. despite the hassle of all the gear you suddenly have to tote, and sitting on a plane with a toddler on your lap putting their fingers through other passengers hair and losing their binky in the aisle 10,000 times, i still think it is worth it to travel with kids and let them experience the world in a different locale.   i don't care where you go, when you leave your square of the world, your viewpoint changes a little. and i think letting kids see just how big the mighty world is at a young age is a lesson worth learning early.  maybe it is a know your place kind of view, but i tend to think it better to encourage kids to see themselves as a small piece in the puzzle instead of the only puzzle, if you know what i mean. 

normally when i travel with the kids i go out and buy a batch of new travel friendly stuff...coloring books, little portable type toys, usually dollar store style stuff that will be fresh to them and hopefully keep them better entertained on a flight or in a car.  with the strict budget this month i realized that wasn't going to be a possibility.   and i actually had fun being more inventive with the stuff we already have but often gets relegated to the back of the shelf. (hello, finger puppets!   hello weird stacking game! hello flashlight!)  i also went to see my girlfriend, the library, and stocked up on some new dvds and books.  

it felt so nice not to spend money BEFORE a trip even starts.  and it felt great NOT to invest in any more cheap crap that just ends up getting trashed or breaking.  i hate to think that even toys are somehow disposable in today's world.  i hate to sound like an old bitty, but they really don't make them like they used to!   the dollar store toy aisle is filled with stuff that probably wouldn't last the year.  it just isn't well made (and given all the findings about standards in toy factories around the world, who knows how safe it is, either.)  i try not to be too big a nazi about my toys, though i find it very hard to fight the urge to enforce my own aesthetic.  in my perfect toy world, everything would be wooden and charming and never require batteries.  but of course these are not the type of playthings most kids like.    but still, i think there is something to be said for searching out craftsmanship and for investing in what i'd like to call heirloom quality stuff.   i guess i'd say this is a rule i'd  like to apply universally to the things i acquire from here on in.  is it well-made?  is it unique?  does it make me happy to look at or interact with?  do i love it?    now i will just have to train cleo to ask herself these same questions. hmmm, somehow i think we'll still end up with the sleeping beauty talking vanity.

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project tweak

i've been agonizing over a decision which changes this month's experiment a bit.  my lovely sister and her lovely husband have offered me free buddy passes to fly down with the kids to dallas for a visit.  the timing of the trip (leaving this thursday) conflicts a bit with what i'd planned to achieve this month, but at the same time, i feel i can't in my right mind deny myself or my kids a chance to see our favorite peeps. plus this is called scarcity AND abundance right?  so i've made the decision to go, and in hopes that i don't let myself -and any dear readers- down, i've decided to maintain the weekly $15 budget while i'm there.  

i'm very lucky that my sister, amy, is one of my personal inspirations for frugality and good home management.  she balances being a very gifted cook and a talented crafter with a busy home life managing 3 kids and lots of responsibilities in her community and church. she makes it all look nearly effortless, a trait i definitely envy.  amy's got an impressive pantry of her own and has generously agreed to share/stick with me for the most part during my week's stay.  whenever i go there, we generally just stay home and gab and let ourselves and the kids enjoy each other's company, so i'm hoping my house arrest routine can remain pretty much intact as well.  i'm also going to extend the project by 1 week when i get back so i can really assess my food store for the full 31 days. we are starting to really get down and dirty in the depths of the canned goods (case in point: flynn actually ate beanie weenies today!) so i feel strongly that i need to complete the actual amount of time with what i have.   i plan to continue posting while i'm gone so hopefully you will stick with me through the "dallas" chapter of scarcity and abundance!

one of the things i'm super excited to do while down in dallas is to organize my over-flowing recipe binder once and for all. amy has an amazing and well organized system with a trial recipe binder for recipes she's cut out from a mag or gotten from a friend and wants to try out, and then her actual master recipe binder that contains all the tried and true keepers.   my system pretty much consists of me putting my chicken scratch notes on tiny scraps of paper into the front pocket of the binder without ever filing it away, and half the time without ever even cooking the recipe, since i can't find it in the first place!   we've also got big plans to do some inexpensive crafting for ourselves and with the kids.  so hopefully the week away will stay "on point" and give me a wonderful dose of familial abundance.  

another random tidbit...i got some great feedback about falling off the wagon and buying those damn hair clips.  several people commented about the power of making returns after you've "transgressed" and bought something you wish you hadn't or spent too much on, whatever the case may be.  i know we've all felt that sick buyer's remorse feeling and i'm sure it would be such a liberating thing to turn back around and return the offending item. maybe it's the same day or weeks later but it is a nice reminder that sometimes you can fix the initial mistake.  next time maybe i won't be so quick to tear into the package and throw away the receipt.  

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