communal living

i think the most shocking thing when you first become a parent is how relentless it is. it is probably the original open 24/7 business.  you are literally "on" every moment you are with your child, at least in those first few demanding years when their very survival depends on your attention.  you don't really get much down time. and in life as a stay at home parent, that relentlessness feels pretty damn apparent.  kids are regimented and i think in most things seems to thrive on the routine being fixed.  i find it hard to cope with this an adult, especially when you factor in that there is little intellectual stimulation with a toddler and a preschooler all day. 

every time i come visit my sister i want to jump on the band wagon of communal living. let it be known, i've even uttered statements to the effect of "wow maybe those polygamists were on to something!"  to me, there is just something logical about sharing the daily burdens and joys of life and child rearing with other adults.  it is impossible to be everywhere at once-- to run errands, to exercise, to be a good friend, to cook meals, clean house, read/write...accomplish. and all the while, tend to your children in a loving, present way.  there is no built in balance and counter balance and i've certainly never found a way to intuit what i should rightly prioritize above the other. usually i just neglect something or do something very half-assed and feel guilty that 10 things are slipping.  but suddenly when you have another person you trust to share the load with, things naturally fall into place. if someone feels like cooking, they cook.  the other person can watch the kiddos and take them to the park. need to escape for a minute and clear your head?  the #2 can step in and vacuum, cook for the bake sale, or pick up the kids from school.  

the idea of sharing the load feels natural and it takes so much of the weight of the work off.  i also have found so much satisfaction in watching what a positive effect being around more people, not less, has had on my kids.  talk about expanding your world view!  subject your 5 year old to the wisdom and society of a 7 and 9 year old and watch them bloom and shrink and bloom again.  i've always bristled at that cheesy "it takes a village" quote about raising kids. but i find myself concurring completely with its wisdom.  raising kids, running a family and being in a family is a big job. and frankly, i think our modern culture has complicated rather than simplified what is expected of each of us.  we ask more of ourselves and our children but we have far fewer hands with which to make our expectations happen. 

i think this whole line of thinking can even be applied to our culture's view of material acquisitions. does every house on the block really need their own personal trampoline? do next door neighbors each need a boat and a lawn mower? do best friends both need to own ipods and digital cameras?   i think when times and mores were "tighter" people knew how to communally own things.  horses, cars, equipment, even homes held entire layers of families--grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins-- and i think the expectation to privately own something and keep it just for yourself wasn't there.  

is it possible that part of the answer to our current economic and social woes is found in the mantra i tell my 5 year old every day? share! share! share!