go ahead, make a wish

today i have to admit i'm missing lattes and aveda hairspray, a fresh haircut and a fresh, um, wax.  i'm missing multi-course meals and indian food lunch buffets.  i'm wishing i could go get that $3.50 sprinkles cupcake before i leave dallas.  i'm coveting those cute ugg slouchy sweater boots and fingerless gloves.   even in relative seclusion this month, my wants have a way of reaching me.  i think i'm coping with the denial by ingesting a steady supply of sweet treats. my sister knows how to treat house guests--with delicious baked goods! the muffins and sugar cookies are helping but the sacrifice of the month still stings a bit.  

i think it may be time to indulge in a secret weapon: online wish list "shopping".  my amazon and etsy wish lists are vast. i have pages of books for me and the kids, toys, kitchen items, etc. and on etsy i have so many unique vintage and handmade treasures listed under my favorites. i think wish lists are a wonderful tool to utilize.  they have shown me how enjoyable it can be to not buy something in the now but to virtually "save" it for later.  most websites & e-stores these days seem to have wish list features but i've also started my own master list for things i drool about that are from different odds and ends places. when i add something to the list, it does a number on my mind. it kind of tricks me into thinking i bought it. plus i really love the fact that items are recorded and saved for later just in case i have "extra" cash lying around. honestly i've probably found the wish list most useful for gift giving ideas but it is a very nice resource of wants and desires and a good reference point for phases my style choices go through.  periodically, i even do a virtual closet clean out on the lists because sometimes i get a little button happy and add weird crap on there that just doesn't jive--very similar to my actual closet.   i can see now that the wish lists are also going to be a great tool for me when i just feel the need for retail therapy but don't want to spend.  it's like window shopping but way, way less painful and, bonus, you can do it in your sweats. 

i can't believe i am nearing the end of the month. i've made it 29 days! yee-haw.  as i mentioned, i'm extending the project one week into february to compensate for this week in dallas, although, i have been able to stick to the $15 while i've been here. a serious shout out to amy and jon for their generosity and support.  time will tell, but i think these weeks have changed my habits enough that i'm not so sure i will ever go back to the way i handled money and buying before.  i've felt strangely powerful denying myself.  i'm not a masochist (far from it) but i really think sacrifice and showing yourself that you have the mettle to go without is a major boost--very self-gratifying.  i've felt so good watching our bank account balance stay steady and i know this translates into less pressure on jaren and more positive rewards for my family in the long run.  and despite my personal appearance and attire going decidedly downhill, it has definitely been a win-win for all of us.  

oops

sorry, technical difficulty.  life magazine's web archives block the use of the photo i mentioned in my post.  if you have a minute, google marjorie mcweeney (in google images) or go to life magazine and you will see it.   sorry!

one loaf of bread at a time

much has been written about how modern technology designed to give us more time has actually robbed us of it.  we spend more time in front of computers, more time on the phone, more time in front of the t.v., etc.  i think the only area it may have really improved is the conveniences created to help with housework.  thank god for washer and dryers, dishwashers, vacuums, and stoves.  the photo above is something i saw at the dallas women's museum this week. it is of marjorie mcweeney, a housewife circa 1949, taken for life magazine. she's shown with a symbolic load of the work she will do, making beds, washing dishes, laundry etc. just looking at the photos makes me feel really grateful for my modernity, that, and the fact that long ago i swore off ironing!  

yesterday amy made whole wheat bread, grinding the wheat and everything.  she let cleo help and it was her first time seeing actual wheat and how we get the flour we use just about everyday in her pancakes.  as cleo helped dump in the freshly made flour, i got a little choked up thinking about the lost art of making your own basics.  these days people act like yeast is something to be feared! and kneading? forget it, who has the time!  most of us today wouldn't know where to start if we were forced to make our own bread.  but can you imagine a woman just 1 or 2 generations ago not knowing this?  things like sewing, baking, canning, they were simple facts of survival and doing them allowed you to "make" a home;  a place where you could be comfortable (and well-fed.) being a home-maker wasn't some silly, offensive moniker. i think it denoted having some serious knowledge.  people say you can't make a purse out of a sow's ear, but i'm pretty sure that is exactly what women have been doing for hundreds of years!  

don't get me wrong, i don't want to go back to the washboard and clothesline, but i am recognizing that for me, there is strength to be found in reviving some of those old school basics. not only are they cost effective, but everything you make at home and by hand is bound to be better for you than preservative laden stuff.  and just like i sometimes have to imagine that utah is a foreign country in order to cope with its peculiar culture, i think i'll try to look at doing this extra, time intensive "work" as a type of anthropological study: i'm learning about the customs of the past and helping to keep important knowledge alive.  the idea of being self sufficient is intriguing and it would probably make me feel like a superwoman if i really could make my own everything.  but the clothes at anthropologie are too cute and the thought of making my own blue cheese makes me want to barf.  so i think, i'll just start slow.  i'm going to start making bread.  and from now on, you can call me a home maker and i'll promise not to punch you in the arm.

appreciating vs. consuming

in the dallas vicinity, like most of suburban USA, you are surrounded by row after row of strip malls. every kind of store from big box to random specialty places where you can get your kids hair cut or buy beauty products is represented.   we have created a shopper's paradise in our current architecture and urban planning.  but it is funny how not hard it is to skip shopping when you travel these days because for the most part what you find when you are away is the same stuff you can find at home.  there is very little regionalism left in what we buy.   i think you have to find other activities to help appreciate the true heart of a place.  

my sister made an interesting distinction when were out and about seeing a children's puppet show. (it was free-and where ever you are, thank you Pix for honoring the spirit of my month!) amy said she felt the culture in dallas tended to be more about consuming than appreciating.  a huge metropolitan city with lots of money, dallas has world class museums and a thriving cultural scene.   there is a lot to go see and do and yet my sister says she thinks most people fall into the go out and buy category instead.  dallas isn't alone in this, i'm sure.   it is just that the stores and the restaurants are what you actually SEE when you walk out the door.  it is effortless and like having a built in concierge in your town.  

it occurs to me that the consuming vs. appreciating deal is at the core of my experiment this month.  i think appreciating is probably the best substitute i have for buying.  whether in dallas or back in slc, when the itch strikes to go out i need to arm myself with the desire to do, see, and learn.  i could make a bigger effort to go to a museum or a gallery.  i could go to a concert or to the symphony. i could take a wine class or learn to speak a language.  i could finally go and learn an honest to god craft like knitting or quilting at pipers.  i could bird watch or dig for dinosaur bones....

obviously you could search out the free in all these things (and i will) but i'd rather just accept that this category is something i'd actually rather spend money on.  i'd rather support institutions that help me love my city more by providing me with fun things to do that expand my mind.  i'd rather think of my own mind and body as the commodity to be filled up rather than my closet at home.  i'd rather teach my kids that acquiring knowledge is more fundamental than acquiring stuff.  i like that the very idea of appreciating is theoretical and an intangible "non-commodity" while consuming is an actual activity full of tangibles.  

so there you have it. i officially want to join the culture of appreciation.   is there such a thing? i hope i don't have to move to canada!  maybe this 'culture' can function kind of like a club. you show me your ideas for getting out and doing, i'll show you mine!

 

communal living

i think the most shocking thing when you first become a parent is how relentless it is. it is probably the original open 24/7 business.  you are literally "on" every moment you are with your child, at least in those first few demanding years when their very survival depends on your attention.  you don't really get much down time. and in life as a stay at home parent, that relentlessness feels pretty damn apparent.  kids are regimented and i think in most things seems to thrive on the routine being fixed.  i find it hard to cope with this an adult, especially when you factor in that there is little intellectual stimulation with a toddler and a preschooler all day. 

every time i come visit my sister i want to jump on the band wagon of communal living. let it be known, i've even uttered statements to the effect of "wow maybe those polygamists were on to something!"  to me, there is just something logical about sharing the daily burdens and joys of life and child rearing with other adults.  it is impossible to be everywhere at once-- to run errands, to exercise, to be a good friend, to cook meals, clean house, read/write...accomplish. and all the while, tend to your children in a loving, present way.  there is no built in balance and counter balance and i've certainly never found a way to intuit what i should rightly prioritize above the other. usually i just neglect something or do something very half-assed and feel guilty that 10 things are slipping.  but suddenly when you have another person you trust to share the load with, things naturally fall into place. if someone feels like cooking, they cook.  the other person can watch the kiddos and take them to the park. need to escape for a minute and clear your head?  the #2 can step in and vacuum, cook for the bake sale, or pick up the kids from school.  

the idea of sharing the load feels natural and it takes so much of the weight of the work off.  i also have found so much satisfaction in watching what a positive effect being around more people, not less, has had on my kids.  talk about expanding your world view!  subject your 5 year old to the wisdom and society of a 7 and 9 year old and watch them bloom and shrink and bloom again.  i've always bristled at that cheesy "it takes a village" quote about raising kids. but i find myself concurring completely with its wisdom.  raising kids, running a family and being in a family is a big job. and frankly, i think our modern culture has complicated rather than simplified what is expected of each of us.  we ask more of ourselves and our children but we have far fewer hands with which to make our expectations happen. 

i think this whole line of thinking can even be applied to our culture's view of material acquisitions. does every house on the block really need their own personal trampoline? do next door neighbors each need a boat and a lawn mower? do best friends both need to own ipods and digital cameras?   i think when times and mores were "tighter" people knew how to communally own things.  horses, cars, equipment, even homes held entire layers of families--grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins-- and i think the expectation to privately own something and keep it just for yourself wasn't there.  

is it possible that part of the answer to our current economic and social woes is found in the mantra i tell my 5 year old every day? share! share! share!   

love it or leave it

i've been preparing for my trip to dallas today.  i always have excitement about going on a trip but the thrill has definitely been tempered by the headache of traveling with kids. despite the hassle of all the gear you suddenly have to tote, and sitting on a plane with a toddler on your lap putting their fingers through other passengers hair and losing their binky in the aisle 10,000 times, i still think it is worth it to travel with kids and let them experience the world in a different locale.   i don't care where you go, when you leave your square of the world, your viewpoint changes a little. and i think letting kids see just how big the mighty world is at a young age is a lesson worth learning early.  maybe it is a know your place kind of view, but i tend to think it better to encourage kids to see themselves as a small piece in the puzzle instead of the only puzzle, if you know what i mean. 

normally when i travel with the kids i go out and buy a batch of new travel friendly stuff...coloring books, little portable type toys, usually dollar store style stuff that will be fresh to them and hopefully keep them better entertained on a flight or in a car.  with the strict budget this month i realized that wasn't going to be a possibility.   and i actually had fun being more inventive with the stuff we already have but often gets relegated to the back of the shelf. (hello, finger puppets!   hello weird stacking game! hello flashlight!)  i also went to see my girlfriend, the library, and stocked up on some new dvds and books.  

it felt so nice not to spend money BEFORE a trip even starts.  and it felt great NOT to invest in any more cheap crap that just ends up getting trashed or breaking.  i hate to think that even toys are somehow disposable in today's world.  i hate to sound like an old bitty, but they really don't make them like they used to!   the dollar store toy aisle is filled with stuff that probably wouldn't last the year.  it just isn't well made (and given all the findings about standards in toy factories around the world, who knows how safe it is, either.)  i try not to be too big a nazi about my toys, though i find it very hard to fight the urge to enforce my own aesthetic.  in my perfect toy world, everything would be wooden and charming and never require batteries.  but of course these are not the type of playthings most kids like.    but still, i think there is something to be said for searching out craftsmanship and for investing in what i'd like to call heirloom quality stuff.   i guess i'd say this is a rule i'd  like to apply universally to the things i acquire from here on in.  is it well-made?  is it unique?  does it make me happy to look at or interact with?  do i love it?    now i will just have to train cleo to ask herself these same questions. hmmm, somehow i think we'll still end up with the sleeping beauty talking vanity.

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project tweak

i've been agonizing over a decision which changes this month's experiment a bit.  my lovely sister and her lovely husband have offered me free buddy passes to fly down with the kids to dallas for a visit.  the timing of the trip (leaving this thursday) conflicts a bit with what i'd planned to achieve this month, but at the same time, i feel i can't in my right mind deny myself or my kids a chance to see our favorite peeps. plus this is called scarcity AND abundance right?  so i've made the decision to go, and in hopes that i don't let myself -and any dear readers- down, i've decided to maintain the weekly $15 budget while i'm there.  

i'm very lucky that my sister, amy, is one of my personal inspirations for frugality and good home management.  she balances being a very gifted cook and a talented crafter with a busy home life managing 3 kids and lots of responsibilities in her community and church. she makes it all look nearly effortless, a trait i definitely envy.  amy's got an impressive pantry of her own and has generously agreed to share/stick with me for the most part during my week's stay.  whenever i go there, we generally just stay home and gab and let ourselves and the kids enjoy each other's company, so i'm hoping my house arrest routine can remain pretty much intact as well.  i'm also going to extend the project by 1 week when i get back so i can really assess my food store for the full 31 days. we are starting to really get down and dirty in the depths of the canned goods (case in point: flynn actually ate beanie weenies today!) so i feel strongly that i need to complete the actual amount of time with what i have.   i plan to continue posting while i'm gone so hopefully you will stick with me through the "dallas" chapter of scarcity and abundance!

one of the things i'm super excited to do while down in dallas is to organize my over-flowing recipe binder once and for all. amy has an amazing and well organized system with a trial recipe binder for recipes she's cut out from a mag or gotten from a friend and wants to try out, and then her actual master recipe binder that contains all the tried and true keepers.   my system pretty much consists of me putting my chicken scratch notes on tiny scraps of paper into the front pocket of the binder without ever filing it away, and half the time without ever even cooking the recipe, since i can't find it in the first place!   we've also got big plans to do some inexpensive crafting for ourselves and with the kids.  so hopefully the week away will stay "on point" and give me a wonderful dose of familial abundance.  

another random tidbit...i got some great feedback about falling off the wagon and buying those damn hair clips.  several people commented about the power of making returns after you've "transgressed" and bought something you wish you hadn't or spent too much on, whatever the case may be.  i know we've all felt that sick buyer's remorse feeling and i'm sure it would be such a liberating thing to turn back around and return the offending item. maybe it's the same day or weeks later but it is a nice reminder that sometimes you can fix the initial mistake.  next time maybe i won't be so quick to tear into the package and throw away the receipt.  

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let's call it indisposable instead

it is weird what being on an extreme budget does to you.  it makes you wash the plastic cups from a birthday party so you can use them again.  it makes you think long and hard about throwing away expensive and delicious blueberries off the plates of picky 4 year olds who refused to eat them. and so you don't.  it makes you decide that the extra pasta noodles you cooked should be bagged up and saved for lunch tomorrow instead of ending up in the garbage.   

today for cleo's birthday, my dad treated us to a lovely brunch.  other than the aforementioned del taco experience , we have not eaten out since the project began.  i cannot tell you how much we enjoyed ourselves!  we all but licked our plates and we laughed watching cleo eat every single piece of fresh fruit in her cup, including the normally dreaded honeydew.  the "treat" of the meal out was not even lost on my little miss picky!  

i have thought a lot about this today, how we appreciated the act of eating out so much more because it wasn't commonplace. it felt special again, more like an event and less like just what we do any old sunday.  statistics say that the average american eats out 4-5 times a week.  i think before this project began we probably averaged 2 times a week. at most family type restaurants,  i've found it to be basically impossible not to drop between $30-$50 for a meal for our family.  it is crazy to add this up and realize that by not eating out this month we will save somewhere between $240-$400.  that's substantial dough to have in our coffers instead of someone else's!  

all of this makes me question the whole financial term "disposable" income.  what a lousy thing to call our hard-earned money. who made that up?  people work hard, they make sacrifices, put their families and their fun on hold while they work to earn the money needed to survive and enjoy life. so why should we think of it as something we can throw away so easily?  this month's experience has definitely started to morph my view of what is and is not disposable in my life.    and today, right now, i'd have to answer not much.

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future dorkdom

today was a really good day.  we celebrated cleo turning 5 with friends and family at her snazzy alien party.  i think it went well and cleo seemed to love it so i'd say it was a success. (other than flynn basically breaking his nose and my homemade slime being a total dud, i think a good time was had by all.)   

i've been a little emotional today thinking about my baby turning 5. i know she's still a wee one in the scheme of things but 5 feels like a transition into a whole new phase.  she's a bona fide kid now.  the earliest years of her childhood are behind us.  i'm happy, of course, to see her grow and progress, but i already feel that tug tug knowing that one day she won't think i'm the coolest for wrapping our entire conversation pit in tinfoil and busting out cheesy alien dance moves.  i will just be dorky mom.  i know that kind of distancing is coming, so i'm trying hard to hold on to these moments and these memories.  

in this vein, i wanted to share a really cool book i've been reading called the creative family by amanda blake soule.  the book is basically all about ways to awaken your family's creativity through art, crafts, and family celebrations.  it's a little bit earth mama crunchy at times, but i really enjoyed the basic message and felt inspired by many of the ideas.  one of the things i loved, and hope to implement at our house, is the idea for parents to write children yearly birthday letters, summarizing great things they accomplished or just little memories or sayings from the year.  i'm not very good about writing down the amazing things that pop out of cleo's mouth because i always assume i will remember them. but, i already know that my memory is faulty and so many details of her first 5 years are already lost. i'm hoping the letter will give me at least a once a year written record!   i love the idea of holding on to these letters and "gifting" them to cleo when she's 13 or 16...sometime down the road when she might better enjoy the dorky things mom has to say.  

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falling off the wagon

last night after i got the kids in bed, i headed to the party store to get a few items for cleo's birthday bash on saturday.  (experience has taught me that there is no worse store to take your kids into than this.  every single thing is a temptation and so tacky.)  of course the store had just closed when i pulled out so i haede to my consumerist mecca and probably this project's nemesis--target.  i seriously broke out in a sweat when i walked in the door. could i really keep my cart empty except for the stuff for cleo's party?  it shocked me how challenging it was.  i tried to avert my eyes and look straight forward and not deviate from my list. but i'm not gonna lie, it was a struggle.  

i bought some goody bag stuff and treats and plastic cups and plates but i did have one budget indiscretion.  i threw in a pack of new clips for cleo's hair.  they cost $3.19.  i had $5 left from this week's budget but i planned to use this for some yogurt and t.p.!  so i guess i fell off the wagon.  i justified the purchase in all kinds of ways. they were under $5, cleo is growing her bangs out and they are driving us both insane, this is "part" of cleo's bday gift...and on and on.  i'm lucky the item was small and inexpensive but the experience taught me two important things: 1. actually going to a store you love just to look when you don't have money to spend is not a good idea and, is in fact, almost painful  2. you are your own worst enemy. you will come up with very convincing arguments aimed right at your achilles heel over why you need something or how you will be much better about not spending next time.  you will win yourself over. 

i'm bummed to have given in, but hopefully this will have honed the rough edge or given me some new ammo with which to defend my budget!  

i think being a consumer is so built into our society that buying things is literally a past-time.  i've confessed over and over to letting trips to a store be my  daily "outing" with the kids.  it fills up the time and you feel like you have gotten out and "done" something.  but this experiment is forcing me to ask the question what am i really "doing" when i shop?  does the activity of buying stuff do more than entertain me?  does it help me? is it filling a void? what message does shopping and the marketing environment of most stores send to my children?  i am always surprised when cleo (who does not yet read) will recognize the signs for costco or ikea.  she "reads" the disney logo from all the movies she's seen.  i think kids soak up via osmosis, or whatever miraculous way kids learn, our attitudes about buying.  and sadly, the message i've been sending to my kids is that i shop often and i pretty much buy what we want, when we want. it is instant and it is relatively thoughtless.  i recently heard that the idea of lay-away is making a huge come back.  i don't think i've ever put anything on lay away but i recall my mom doing it when i was a child.  i love the idea of this because it is h a more thoughtful way to consume.  you decide you want something and then you pay for it little by little, and here's the catch, you can't take it home until you've actually completely paid for it!  what?    this delayed gratification approach seems so wise and so counter the buy on credit, actually pay for it years later, approach.  

my amazing sister sent me a link yesterday to a great article in the Dallas morning news about a couple referred to as "consumer dropouts" who did an experiment of their own. they stopped by new stuff.  it is very inspiring. check it out.  http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/fea/lifetravel/stories/011109dngdconsumerdropouts.c5e3100.html

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i heart you library

the tight budget this month has made me appreciate the value of FREE.  there aren't many places to find it these days but it does exist. in the summer in utah, there are plenty of free activities around because it is such a gorgeous place with great mountains and parks and hikes and trails at our doorstep.  but in the winter, you really have to push yourself to identify a free activity.   

with that challenge in mind, i'd like to dedicate this post to my new girlfriend,  the salt lake county library.  how cool are libraries?  the whole concept is just utterly fantastic.  i mean,  we citizens have at our disposal a warm place to go all day, every day, to read books, magazines, get movies, music, listen to storytimes or get on the computer.  it's a cultural mecca and you can take home just about everything in there for FREE. (well, i know technically we all pay for it a bit through taxes, but don't burst my bubble!)  

since having kids, i probably go to the library every other week but this month i've found a new way to utilize it and it is working wonders for me.  i tend to read a lot of magazines and online stuff each week and there are always book recommendations or things i want to research further, both for me and the kids, so i've gotten into a nice habit of adding them to a generic wishlist i keep on amazon.com.  this month  i've started to get serious about "shopping" for these wish list items at the library and i am in love with this process! it is working so well.  all i do is search the library's catalog online and place a hold on the items i want. they email me when they have pulled something aside and there it is, sitting just for me on the library's hold shelf.  it feels downright spoiling!  having good things waiting for you on the hold shelf is a huge boon with kids because it cuts down on the time you spend negotiating against getting a spiderman comic vs. an aesop fable and we don't have to wade through every title in the children's section to find the good ones.   i will be the first to admit that borrowing a book isn't always as nice as owning it, but i've found that unless you really LOVE a book or it is chock full of visual inspiration,  there just isn't a need to hang on to it.  they just take up space and sit there forgotten and dusty.  i think everyone is cutting back here and there on budgetary "indiscretions"  so i'd like to suggest an easy cut back.  don't go to barnes and noble. go out and get a library card and start using it!  you might be surprised how much money it saves you, and, let me tell you, the people watching is priceless!  

so here's to you library,  thank you for filling a void in my life this month and helping me stay sane!  (and for teaching cleo all about piranhas.)

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means to an end?

one of my goals this month is to establish a realistic budget of outgoing expenses vs. incoming moolah.  i hate to admit that i have never in my life lived on a true budget; not when i was single and bringing in my own dough, and not since i've been married and living off someone's else's hard earned bacon.   i've never decided i could only spend x on clothes or x on groceries or x on eating out and then stuck to it and skimped when i went over. never.  i used to blame my upper middle class upbringing.  then my right brained-ness--putting something down on paper felt too scary and too structured-- but i think the real factor was that i was too lazy to take a serious look at my spending patterns  and too scared to get serious about being restrictive on my wants.   

money is stressful.  and, shocker,  i really think i agree with the bible, it is the root of all evil.  materialism, greed, keeping up with the jones'...it all boils down to what's in your bank account.  there is never enough since wants are insatiable and there is always so much good stuff to buy!  in my own marriage, i'd say that we conform to the statistics, money is the number 1 thing we fight about.   these few weeks spending so little have made me feel powerful and in control. it has made me see what i'm capable of resisting and how much better i can be at controlling my wants.  i mean nothing, NOTHING, i buy can equal the piece of mind i FEEL from doing right by my family's means.  

i think i mentioned before that we aren't into outrageous debt or anything but there are definite euphemistic "expenses"  that accrue interest in our world!  i am not a huge dave ramsey listener or subscriber, but i like his encouragement of never using credit cards.  cash, cash, cash! i know that when checks first came about people were suspicious of them.  it wasn't cold hard cash so it seemed fake.  but now, checks even seem credible!  i remember my mom meticulously recording every check into a little register log in her checkbook.  who does that with their debit cards?   

it seems strange that money could ever turn into anything else, but somehow we've turned it into credit. and credit, seems to be causing the lot of us a big problem.  credit isn't real because it doesn't always accurately reflect what we have and yet we don't seem to care and neither do the retailers. BUY NOW AND PAY LATER!  0% for 24 MONTHS...and on and on.  these offers, credit, set us up for an unhealthy relationship with our money.   i am working hard to revert back to a cash only system and i think the best tool i have to make that a reality is a true budget.  i've been exploring a free online program called pear budget that looks like a no-nonsense beginner's budgeting program.  i need something to make me accountable and something to make me manage my expenses.   i hope this is the ticket. i'll keep you posted on my experience.

and in the spirit of people being very accountable for their spending habits, i wanted to share one of my favorite artists and her very cool project.  kate bingaman-burt records her spending patterns in a cool blog called http://www.obsessiveconsumption.com/ 

she records what she's buys in simple but beautiful illustrations...originally she drew everything she bought but now she's too busy so she kind of cherry picks what she draws, but it is still amazing.  and, my favorite thing is that she draws word for word her credit card statements each and every month.  i find so much bravery in this because don't we all hate to get those statements each month, and i would never want to read each and every word on them, but kate does it and recreates them in her own one-off style.  i also respect the openness it takes to share your debt and what you spend money on or how much money you have.  i know in my own family these subjects feel pretty much taboo so i admire kate's willingness to turn the specifics into public art to be scrutinized and admired.  if you have a second, i'd really recommend looking at kate's flicker page and all her drawings and statements posted there. http://www.flickr.com/photos/kateconsumption/sets/1520842/    

http://www.flickr.com/photos/kateconsumption/sets/72157603933005907/

she's amazing and the project is super inspiring.  enjoy!  

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are you ready boots?

in different periods of our marriage, jaren and i have come up with mantras to focus on.  a couple of year's ago, the entire year was dedicated to "kicking some A" and when we were busying working on something productive one of us would say to each other something like "yep, just kicking some A over here."  i guess we like having catch phrases and they always make for a good laugh between us.  for the past few months we've been tossing around a really vague, nonchalant phrase, but one that i like so very much since it can apply to your entire life.  JUST BE BETTER.  for christmas i embroidered (crudely, as you can see) the phrase and it now hangs in our office as a good reminder of how we want to be.   the root idea of this month of scarcity really is to just be better in how i live my life and the choices i make as a mother, as a house manager, as a wife, as a consumer, and as a member of this planet.  

one of the things i'm attempting to be better about is taking daily walks with my kids.   i think so much of the time i let the winter weather scare me off from being outdoors.  it just seems too difficult and uncomfortable.  having warm snow clothes for the kids coupled with the fact that i have no car but a stubborn desire to leave the house, have made it seem suddenly doable.  (oh, and i guess i shouldn't leave out the fact that i have a new fangled stroller that lets flynn sit in front and cleo stand and ride in back, which has made the "i'm tired" refrain disappear from my life completely. )   i have to say that exploring the winter landscape has been really wonderful.  i'm amazed at how quiet the winter world is.  all noises are muffled in snow and i swear the loudest sounds i've been hearing are bird tweets and airplanes in the distance.  the moon, day and night, has been insane and huge.  i feel so pleased when i watch flynn eat snow and then cock his head to listen to a bird or watch one fly above us in the sky. cleo is a huge collector and on our walk yesterday she amassed a collection of nuts for the birds.  in that one walk she found a peanut, an acorn, and a sunflower seed.  pretty good for winter bleakdom wouldn't you say?   both kids seem to think eating icicles just as good as snow cones and that there is nothing funnier than smacking the snow off a tree and watching it fall.   these walks rejuvenate all of us.  the cold air clears our heads and it makes coming back home, to the warmth, feel new all over again.

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harbertson mothership

i'm gearing up for a new week of challenges.  i am supposed to get my car back from the shop on wednesday and with this freedom will come a whole new set of temptations.  holed up on house arrest, the chances to deviate from the budget have been pretty slim.  i also have cleo's 5th birthday party on saturday to prepare for, which if you recall, was the one sin against the budget i was going to allow this month.   i am trying to keep the expenses for the party minimal but it still will feel strange (dirty?!)  to go out and shop for something after my nearly 2 week break from retail therapy.  

cleo and i spent a good portion of the day on friday hand making her "alien" invitations and the results are cute and definitely, ahem, hand crafted.  it was fun to turn something that i normally either would have done myself, or just bought, into a craft project we could do together.  when i slow down and open up to this i can see what a huge difference it makes to cleo. she loves being involved and seems to love that she's doing "grown up" work. she took such care decorating each card and envelope and i just had to resist my urges to reach in and stop her from drawing a rainbow or a heart on the space themed card.  she's a girl and she's 4, she can't seem to draw a picture without including one of these motifs!

i'm going to embrace some fun craft projects for the kids this week. i'm super excited to make use of the million broken crayons we have in our art box to make these cool chunky crayons.  again, very macgyver of me, and i know the kids will love the alchemy of it. http://crafts.kaboose.com/fall_crayons.html 

i am also going to set up a drawing binder for cleo. we have literally 50 drawings of hers lying around in various piles and i always hate to throw them away but i hate the clutter factor even more.  i thought if i put them in a 3 ring binder she would have fun going through them, we'd have a place to easily add new drawings, and a definite bonus from my standpoint is that i will have a makeshift chronicle of her art.  i'm amazed at the way certain themes come and go in her drawings.  last week was all about mermaids and houses with chimneys and the week before starred big hairy monsters.  on each drawing she usually writes flynn and cleo somewhere which i find perfectly adorable.  won't it be interesting to watch when she finally figures out that the n's in flynn's name are backwards?

and as a little bonus for myself this week, i am going to once and for all clean out our back room of all its crap and turn it into our official craft room. a table for me, a table for jaren, and a table for the kids.  i just might even set up my sewing machine.  

macgyver in the house

my fridge and my family are starting to feel the pinch of the experiment.  after 10 days, we are pretty much out of fresh produce except root vegetables and apples.  i had planned to be able to replenish fruits with the $15 budget but can see if we do anything extra (like eating at del taco earlier this week)  there is not enough to buy produce and eggs & milk.  since i still have canned and frozen veggies and fruit, i'm putting the milk, bread and eggs at the top of the list and keeping those stocked.   today i went to costco for the first time since the project began and i only bought bread and eggs...certainly something i've never done before. usually the dialogue in my head sounds more like "wait, i think i need that 10 lb bag of sauerkraut, i mean, i love a reuben! and yeah, grab that triple pack of gourmet hot chocolate to try! chocolate is so rich in anti-oxidants."  let the record show,  i got out of COSTCO spending under $10 which certainly has NEVER happened to me before and frankly, i didn't even know was possible.

some of the foods i've made this week have been definite tributes to the experiment and my attempt at a new mindset.  i've been making use of the things that are past their prime instead of just throwing them away.  i don't know about you, but probably a 1/4 of the fresh produce i buy ends up being wasted. it wilts or goes moldy or gets super stinky and slimy in that way only spinach and salad  greens can. i always feel guilty about it and vow to do better next time but never really seem to improve.  

but this week was much better.  i actually acknowledged that things were headed toward the garbage and made meals around these ingredients.  i made french toast with left over spaghetti factory bread my in laws passed along to me.  my last 2 bananas were  turning dark,  so i made a batch of my sister's famously delicious banana chocolate chip muffins. i discovered a lemon in my fridge that was all soft and had a little bit of mold starting. i normally would throw that out in .5 but realizing that lemons are more than .50 a piece, i squeezed the damn thing and put the juice in the freezer.   i made a batch of turkey meatballs because i didn't want to throw the heels of my bread away. i made chicken noodle soup with the wilty, sad looking celery stalks i had left from our holiday bloody mary mornings.   being resourceful like this makes me feel like a kitchen macgyver.  i feel clever and inventive and above all, it makes me feel like i'm REALLY using my resources. i mean, i own that lemon. i own those heels!  i bought and paid for those items so why not make use of them and give myself a shot of self esteem in the process?    

i've been getting a couple questions from people about whether i actually stocked up on stuff before this project began.  the answer is yes, but i was pretty selective about it. i didn't want to go and buy lots of canned goods since i already had so many randoms that i needed to use already in my pantry.   i started with a full supply of milk and eggs.  i bought a bunch of ground beef to freeze and 3 big blocks of cheese and a 30 pack of flour tortillas.   i wish i would have bought more gin but abstinence and frugality seem to go hand in hand!  so far since my car is still in the shop, gas hasn't been an issue.  so in the last 10 days i've made 1 trip to the store for milk, and today's trip to Costco and 1 trip to Del Taco.  So far I'm within budget and have spent about $23 since january 1.   i'm feeling really good about this but i also am starting to fantasize about the pub's pasta salad and french onion soup.  a lot. 

sacrificial mizithra

sorry, somehow yesterday's post didn't go up until a few moments ago....so today is a 2-fer!

we harbertsons have a great tradition of eating out.  the whole extended family often meets at a restaurant to enjoy a meal.  i proudly admit that the old spaghetti factory is one of our favorite haunts.  it isn't the most sophisticated place in the world but it is loud and kid friendly, budget conscious, seems to appeal to everyone, and somehow having a 3 course meal for $10ish makes me feel like i've put one over on someone.  and then there's the mizithra cheese. yum. 

 

so my in laws called earlier this week to say that we could go to spaghetti factory despite the tight budget constraints because the restaurant is celebrating their 40th anniversary and for one night only were offering the original menu prices from the 60s.  this made the 3 course dinner a very affordable $3.95!  i was all over it.  but of course we weren't the only ones to jump at it and the wait was nearly 2 hours! a definite deal breaker when you have 2 hungry kids.   i hated to rain on everyone's parade but without that special deal, there really wasn't another restaurant alternative that would allow me to stay within my $15 per week budget.  it was disheartening to try and come up with a place that might work and at that price point (around $10 to feed my family of 4 and still save some cash for milk later this week) you are pretty much relegated to fast food-dom.  we all have personal favorites in the fast food department and i proudly wave my del taco flag high.  it is delicious and much, much better than taco bell and my justification is usually that it is better for you than a burger and fries.   so, being the loving people they are,  my cute family all got on board with the experiment and we all went to del taco for family dinner!  it was such a supportive thing for everyone to do and it was oddly fun.  another revelation of the experiment is how breaking patterns can make simple things seem interesting.  the evening was unexpected and memorable.  thank you family for your support!  i'm not going to lie, i missed that mizithra.     

i can see how being on a tight budget could set the stage for some unhealthy eating.  it is crazy that if you choose to go out and you live on a tight budget, fast food is your only option. i've also been struggling with how to maintain organic dairy in my life when regular milk is half the price.  i think the answer, sadly, is that you don't get to. why does healthy food and fresh food translate to expensive food?  i seriously wonder how much buying your own cow and some chickens would end up saving you in the long run?  and now that i've seen this adorable chicken coop, i might really have to consider it. http://www.omlet.us/products_services/products_services.php?view=Chickens&about=the%20eglu

maybe my next "project" awaits?

confession

i've been stewing this morning, worrying that i'm coming across as some holier than thou, shunning consumerism because i'm above it or something.  i feel i should come clean and admit to a deep & abiding love of THINGS.  i'm not a compulsive shopper by any means, but i definitely covet many, many things. i like being surrounded by lovely stuff and i like my environment to reflect this. i collect, i create wish lists, i buy.  

as a design lover, i pay a lot of attention to shleter mags and have a slough of online boutiques and sites that i obssess over.  i save files and files worth of magazine clippings of cool objects, furniture, homes, and gardens.  i guess i subscribe to a belief that the stuff you have tells a story about you.  it's like a character reference and helps describe the person you are; your likes, your dislikes, etc.  i fully admit that i assign status (power?) to things.  to me, there is a difference between someone who owns a 50s Eames chair and one who owns a laz-E boy recliner.  

i guess that means i'm a snob, but the real story is that there seems to be some subjective hierarchy we attach to stuff. having spent 4 years working in a design + decorative arts museum ( yay for cooper-hewitt!!), i know i'm not the only person out there thinking this.  there are whole degrees devoted to studying material culture and why we glorify one object over another.  some of it is individual taste or the quality of craftsmanship, sure, but there are definite trends that occur across a culture. things that people must have in order to fit in. i mean look at the television in our society! if you don't own one, you are making a radical statement, even a political one.  technology and the conveniences that stem from it, probably have pushed these notions of what we need to have a lot further.

i know humans have always been collectors and accumulators. (think of egyptians & their tombs.) but it does seem that  the meaning of 'stuff' and the amount of stuff we think we need to have has only increased over time. i read something recently about the herbert hoover administration in the late 20s introducing the whole concept of "the standard of living" , which was basically an idea created to convince americans that they had something else to work for beyond satisfying their basic needs and therefore ensuring the government a useful workforce.  the administration did a survey on people's  reactions to the standard of living idea and it basically proved that wants are almost insatiable. once people fulfill their basic needs they turn to fulfilling their wants and wants create newer wants and on and on the cycle goes.  

this post is all over the map, but i guess what i'm trying to remind myself of is that there will always be great stuff out there to consume and collect and admire. i will always want to add new things that help me define myself and my space. and i will always want to be endlessly upgrading to the new, new thing. but what i'd like to do (and hopefully this month of scarcity will help me do) is to get back to a mode of thinking where i can differentiate between my needs and my wants. focus on the needs, pepper in the wants.    i think that may just be a lost art. but it is one i certainly hope i can master. 

say say o playmate

today was the first day in awhile that being homebound was hard.  the snow is starting to have that relentless january "unfun" feeling and we're all going a bit stir crazy. cleo keeps asking me "where are we going today mom?"  and i think she's finally tired of me answering that we are just going to stay home and be mellow.  today she was exasperated at this response and told me that "i'd better get my car back soon."  i second the notion, but i think not having a car is also forcing me to really indulge in the house arrest and not have to face too many temptations from the outside world. we're thinking the car will be done by the first of next week, but i'm not holding my breath.

with long days stretching out before me, i've found a lot of inspiration in the way preschool teachers do things.  they structure time down to the tiniest degree. at cleo's preschool last year i noticed a lesson plan broken down into 15 mins increments which seemed incredible to me.  but now i find that mentality is helping me get through the day with the kids. i think i really would go crazy if i just let the day happen without a plan. that, or i'd just turn my kids into couch potatoes by letting them watch movie after movie.  

in my new & improved mode, i pretty much make everything we do a project or an activity. for example, bath time has taken on a whole new significance.  both cleo and flynn used to take baths every other day or maybe even every 2 days but now tubbies are a key part of our day by turning it into something we do for fun, not because we have to wash our hair or get clean or because it is a part of our routine.  today we froze a bunch of cleo's jewelry and baby dinosaurs in water and then i put the "treasure cubes" in the tub with them to melt. both cleo and flynn were in a frenzy to collect each thing from the bottom of the tub as it melted off the cube.  yesterday's tub involved an elaborate submarine scheme (cleo's idea) where she used drinking straws to breathe from the bottom of the ocean....and suddenly an hour is gone and my kids are pruned and clean and happy!  and then, of course, it is on to the next. 

i think  these moments of fun are more available to me now because i have the luxury of just being around and not pressed for time or pressured to get up and go.  i find i'm taking my job as a mom more seriously and that seems to be translating into being a better, more patient playmate to my kids.  i once read a great parenting quote that said "YOU ARE YOUR CHILD'S FAVORITE TOY."  i've certainly been finding that to be true.   i've also found that if i give my kids each some undivided attention they are much more apt to handle my disappearing for a bit to get some of my own to do's done.  and then cleo tackles flynn, he wails, and my email is cut short...

there are so many simple ways to entertain kids and i've been attempting to gather some fresh ideas for fodder.  i found a great blog awhile back called let's explore that has given me a lot of good activity ideas and i love the way amy uses everything as an opportunity for fun and learning. if you are interested,  check it out here http://lets-explore.typepad.com/weblog/  and please, if you have some killer ideas of your own or a great resource for activities, please take pity on me and share!

bringing back the yore...

i mentioned in an earlier post that i had taken inventory of my pantry and freezer. this whole month of limited spending is really a tribute to the fact that i have edible stuff waiting in the wings. (thank you costco! maybe for once i can recoup a fraction of what i give YOU each month!!)  the food is there but i haven't ever let myself fall back on what i have amassed because i realize that i always cook based on what i feel like eating or a recipe i want to try, and not based on ingredients i already have. i am always adding randomly to my food store without really making a dent into it beyond the occassional soup or tuna can etc. i know this seems like a pretty obvious error but somehow i continually make it week after week and it clearly sets me up for waste and budget busting.

it was such a satisfying process to go through and inventory my food and create the meal plans from that instead.  once i wrote out my inventory (which literally is a list of goods from freezer and pantry and the quantity i have of each thing which i then cross off as i use) basic menu ideas were pretty apparent.  in under 10 minutes, i had 25 dinner ideas from homemade chicken noodle soup and hummus to stew and  "grill night", breakfast for dinner, and pasta.  i'm serious about this, the whole inventory and planning probably took an hour and it will end up saving me so much time and money this month to skip the grocery store and daily "spontaneous" menu planning.  i also think i can use this inventory to plan future grocery lists and menu plans and narrow down what items really are invaluable in my pantry.  

i've been laughing that the whole, seemingly forgotten, purpose of a pantry is to stockpile food for when you need it.  it is an idea that stretches back millennia to "the days of yore"  when people were hunter-gatherers and had to literally weather a season of cold weather with baskets of grain and dried meat and fruit.   actually maybe i can even update the yore a bit even to the turn of THIS century when food wasn't global and you couldn't get a grape or a blueberry fall, winter, spring, and summer. modern times and conveniences have divorced us from this feeling of storing for necessity and turned it into something like amassing food just to have it.   brooks, my brother in law, told me that according to some study, his garbage disposal eats better than most the world. i think my pantry probably eats better than most the world too.   our food waste and our food plenty are definitely things i'd like to be more mindful of as a citizen of the world.

but getting off my soapbox for a minute,  is anyone interested in getting into canning next year?  i've now proudly made my own salsa, jam, and peaches but i'd like to take it more seriously next summer, and particularly look into growing more of my own food to eat and preserve.  i love the full circle notion of this and think it is such a great thing to involve children in. do our kids really understand what it takes to 'create' a carrot or an apple?  i can't imagine a more cost effective way to feed my family something delicious and healthy then to plant a seed, watch it grow into something yummy, and then harvest it  and preserve it for a cold winter day!  i imagine it would feel like that cute kids book 'fredrick' by leo lionni.  this was a classic when we 70s kids were babes, but i still treasure it and read it often to cleo and flynn. if memory is failing you, fredrick is a field mouse and he saves the words, poems, and colors of summer for his fellow mice for those harsh winter days when the food is gone and everyone is cold, bored, and miserable.  having a summer ripe peach in the middle of january sounds just as magical to me. maybe i should name my future pantry fredrick?  

do you know what the hell parsimony means?

so last night was my first venture out since the new year began.  my dear friend jessy is in town from germany and we had planned an overnight getaway at a downtown hotel so we could have a much needed catch up session without the interruption and pitter patter of little feet.  it was a wonderful evening (and so needed) but i do feel like a bit of a cheater because the evening definitely would have been a budget buster without the generous help of jessy's mom.  she covered the room and movie ticket expenses and i happened to have a $25 gift certificate lying around to macaroni grill.  we took trax and avoided parking fees so i only spent $7 when all was said and done but it would have been a lot more in the real world.  i guess i danced with the devil but for purposes of the experiment i'm still on track.  today it is back to homelife and tuna fish and dinner from the pantry!

in our current culture, frugality isn't exactly lauded as a virtue.  we tend to value pomp and circumstance and glorify excess. (here's an example of the ultimate glorification--mtv's retarded show cribs.  jaren and i spent a sickening hour on the couch on new year's day watching the 10 most expensive crib pads ever and it was pretty depressing to see what the rich and famous do with their milions--pretty much universally uninteresting things. how many escalades does one man need?!)  

i think the best thing the current downturn in the economy can do for us is remind us of what it means to pare down and be frugal.  i think we all recognize in our grandparents a relentless thriftiness and almost disdain for waste that was born from living through an era of want like the great depression.  i have never wanted to imitate my grandmother before, but i realize that her defining characteristic may be her frugality. in fact, i recently ran across the word parsimony and had no idea what it meant until i looked it up. parsimony: extreme care in spending money; reluctance to spend money unnecessarily. my grandmother mere is an expert in parsimony.  i recall her walking the streets to collect cans to go and recycle for money so she could create a diaper fund for my little cousin. and this was in the 80s mind you...people weren't doing that kind of thing!  her kitchen cabinets were always filled with random mason jars filled with 1 lollipop, a handful of marshmallows, a candy cane.... she never threw anything away.  at christmas, wrapping paper was patiently undone and she would save every scrap and reuse it to wrap her own gifts.  she canned and preserved, kneaded bread, and sewed. she used the same 100 lb toaster for 50 years!  i still can't leave her house without receiving some random item that she doesn't need or want but just can't bring herself to throw away.  i've become her goodwill repository (and usually that is where most the stuff she gives me ends up) but before i take it there, i try and take a photo of it.  i now have a big folder of "things my grandmother gave me" photos.  here are a few of the good ones.  

mere's frugality and miser status has always made me crazy because it felt like a mania and not very much fun and in my consumerist brain it seemed silly to go to all this time and effort to hem and patch an old blouse when she could just head to the store and buy a new one that would be tons cuter.  but suddenly i can see the value of those lost arts she cultivated and i feel a bit sad that when the mindset of my generation and hers finally may be converging, she is on her way out.    maybe this month is the ultimate tribute to my waste not want not grandmother. too bad she won't buy a computer to read this.

i've got you by the horns, '09!

happy new year!! 

i had a great new year's eve spent around the fire with my kids and favorite friends and just the right amount of champagne. it felt like a luxurious way to head into this month of being low key and frugal.   my friend patrick opened up my pantry and went "whoa, what are you mormon?!"  so i knew i had the pantry impressively well stocked and ready to roll!   

i did a food inventory today (more on that later) and started thinking about some general meal plans for the month ahead from the things i have.  and this process reminded me of an email that circulated last year showing what different families around the world eat  and how much it costs each week.  the images have always stuck with me and the memory that the american families' food store was all this processed, boxed junk with so few fruits and veggies compared to some other diets around the globe. anyway, i was able to find the piece which is actually a series from a book called  "Hungry Planet" (which i would like to check out from the library) and the photos are featured on time.com  here's a link to it, it really is worth checking out  about how the world eats and how much we have in comparison to so many.

http://www.time.com/time/photogallery/0,29307,1626519,00.html

well i've been a slug all day and i'm off to do some more slugging on the couch with jaren before i hit the hay.  hope everyone had a fantastic new year's day and that it set the tone for a fabulous year ahead.